


atlas in his sleep/shake like the bough of a willow tree

by Zartbitterpoetin



Category: Heirs of the Night (TV)
Genre: Blood, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Enemies to Friends, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lars af Dracas needs a hug, Minor Character Death, Missing Scene, Nicu (Heirs of the Night) needs a hug, Nightmares, Post-Canon, Season 2, Sharing a Bed, There Is Only One Bed, Torture, Vampires, Whump, but on the same level as in the show, the end is also
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29967459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zartbitterpoetin/pseuds/Zartbitterpoetin
Summary: Fanny once told him that there was a unique terror in having to protect someone else from harm. Told him how terrifying it is to fear for yourself and someone else at the same time. How there is an understanding between you and the other, a deceitful promise of protection, that is broken again and again, and still holds weight.Or:A very horrible, involuntary roadtrip with the guy who killed your uncle, and the human idiot in love with the same girl that you love. An autobiography by Lars af Dracas.
Relationships: Alisa von Vamalia & Lars af Dracas, Alisa von Vamalia/Lars af Dracas, Alisa von Vamalia/Nicu, Lars af Dracas & Nicu
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	atlas in his sleep/shake like the bough of a willow tree

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> The title is from the song "Movement" by Hozier.  
> I dunno what this is exactly tbh. Just a lot of hurt/comfort I guess :D  
> Also, this show is pretty historically inaccurate, although I realize that this is a show about vampires, but still xD. For example, the carriage ride would probably take much longer than in the show.  
> Also, there is the problem with bed sharing, because the guys would definitely have a problem with that, but not because of toxic masculinity, since touches and sleeping together between male friends was much more wildly accepted around 1889, but because sleeping together was kind of a thing for poor people and was seen as a bit unhealthy. But also, social rules don't really seem to apply to the Vampires? Like they have taken on some of the period-typical attitudes but also not? What is the lore of this universe? God, I love this stupid show.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this!

This, Lars decides, is probably one of the worst weeks of his life.

First, his father had almost died and had named Lars the new clan leader, all while the elders were calling for punishment for Calvina and Alisa. So his week would’ve already been shitty without finding out that his family had kept Alisa’s mother imprisoned for years, that the world as he knew it would probably end very soon, and also that his uncle Ragnar was even more of a dirty rat than Lars could’ve ever suspected.

His uncle had never been a nice person. Ragnar was power-hungry and cruel and violent, but Lars’ father could be like that too, so at first Lars hadn’t suspected anything out of the unusual, when he came back from Italy and his uncle had grown even colder and more violent in his absence.

Besides, Ragnar had always been loyal, had always wanted to do what’s best for the clan, was ready to die for his family until –

Until he wasn’t.

His uncle had never been a nice person, but at least Lars had known that he wasn’t a traitor.

There were a lot of things Lars thought he knew.

*

He had suspected that Dracula might dispose of Ragnar after he had outgrown his usefulness, had even tried to reason with his uncle, but the man seemed to be so far gone that nothing could reach him anymore – or at least that was what Lars chose to believe. The alternative, that Ragnar had always been this delusional and had managed to hide it from all of them for so long, was too disturbing to consider.

So Lars should have been prepared. Shouldn’t have been shocked by Dracula just throwing Ragnar away, into the sun, like he wasn’t even worth an honorable death.

And still, he doesn’t understand, because just a moment ago, his uncle was still right next to him, and now he is gone.

He is gone, and nothing can bring him back. He is gone, and the man responsible for it is smiling and telling Nicu (and what is _he_ doing here?) to pick up the rubies.

Lars thinks that maybe he should try to run, but as soon as the thought enters his head, he dismisses it: Dracula is faster and stronger by far, and he still seems to have plans for Lars.

“You are coming with us,” Dracula says and Lars sneers back: “Never!”

But then Dracula threatens Nicu, and Lars doesn’t care what happens to that stupid boy, he doesn’t, but Alisa would. He can’t hurt her like this. (He can’t be like Ragnar. He doesn’t want to become a twisted and cruel thing, that hungers only for power and doesn’t recognize love)

He thinks that he would be horrified of the fact that he was ready to let Nicu die, if he wasn’t still trying to understand that Dracula had just sacrificed Ragnar to the sun.

He thinks that his father would be horrified for an entirely different reason ( _weak, weak, weak)_ and then he tries not to think about any of this at all anymore. He just follows Dracula and Nicu, his thoughts and limbs numb. Only once he meets Nicu’s gaze, as he climbs into the carriage and Nicu sits back down on the coach box, and there is something in Nicu’s eyes that unsettles him, though he can’t put a name on it.

*

Fanny once told him that there was a unique terror in having to protect someone else from harm. Told him how terrifying it is to fear for yourself and someone else at the same time. How there is an understanding between you and the other, a deceitful promise of protection, that is broken again and again, and still holds weight. 

He hadn’t fully understood back then. Sure, he was afraid of his father from time to time, but he had never feared for anyone else. If someone got threatened or hurt by his father, it was most likely their fault and even if it wasn’t, why should it be his problem? (But that isn’t completely true, is it? Because he had seen how sometimes Fanny flinched at sudden noises, had seen the bruises Inger tried to hide. Sometimes, he had dreamed of taking his cousins and running away.)

He understands a lot better now, he thinks.

He doesn’t even like Nicu. The boy is naïve and stupid and most importantly ~~in love with Alisa~~ a human, the son of one of the most famous vampire hunters too.

What if Nicu gets hurt? It would be Draculas fault, not his, even if Dracula claimed it was Lars’ fault.

 _But it’s not as simple as that_ , he thinks. Fanny was right:

It is horrible in a unique, wicked way, when someone is getting hurt to punish you.

Dracula hasn’t seriously hurt them (yet), only pushed them around a bit, but the threat of violence is always there. It’s in every small gesture, in every word, seeming to even permit the air. Dracula is much more powerful than they are, and he knows it.

*

It’s still nighttime, so Lars is sitting with Nico on the coach box instead of inside the carriage with Dracula. It’s awkward between him and Nicu.

Nicu is completely crazy, talks about Lord Byron and other nonsense like that, and then Nicu tells him that Lars must have done something so Alisa fell in love with him.

Man, if Lars was only half as powerful as Nicu apparently thinks he is they certainly wouldn’t be in this situation. Alisa makes her own decisions and if she fell in love with him instead of Nicu, it’s not his fault. But before he can tell Nicu what exactly he thinks of all that weird shit in his head, Dracula tells them to shut up, and Lars is reminded that this isn’t about their rivalry and that there will be a time to talk or fight this out, but that time isn’t now. 

*

The carriage breaks down and of course he and Nicu have to repair it because Dracula apparently has better things to do, like standing around in a swamp and hallucinating his dead wife. So, yeah. He and Nicu, huh?

Lars understands why Nicu helps Dracula, even if he doesn’t agree with it. Nicu misses his mother, and Dracula is his only way to get her back. Furthermore, he is hurt by Alisa’s betrayal, of course, and he is still far too naïve, but he listens when Lars tells him that they need to destroy the rubies. While Dracula is still away doing whatever it is he is doing, Lars tries to explain everything as quickly as possible. 

Nicu is surprisingly good at keeping up with all the new information and they agree to wait until Dracula is asleep to get the key. Lars will then take it from him and give it to Nicu, so the other boy can hide it. 

In hindsight, they probably should have come up with a better plan, because Lars gets caught, of course, and before he can do or say anything to defend himself, Dracula grabs him and forces his face into the sun.

A white, hot pain sears through him, the sunlight burning his skin. It smells like when they were branding the cattle back home, smells like the one time Inger got to close to the campfire and got burned _._

 _I don’t want to die_ , he thinks, _I don’t want to die_.

Faintly, he hears Nicu shout something at Dracula, voice full of pure desperation and if the sunlight wasn’t still searing his skin maybe he would wonder about that, but he is currently occupied with fearing for his life.

Beneath the pain and the fear and the panic, a small voice whispers: _Is this how Ragnar felt when he died?_

And it whispers: _Is this what burning feels like?_

And it whispers: _Are you going to end like this?_

And Lars screams.

After what seems like an eternity, Dracula finally releases him. Lars scrambles back, panting and shaking, trying to bring as much space as possible between him and the other vampire. The carriage seems even smaller now, and even as Lars presses his back against the wood behind him, Dracula is still far to close, could just grab him again and throw him out into the sun, could do whatever he wanted, because Lars is weak and powerless and completely at Dracula’s mercy.

Dracula leans forward and makes it _very_ clear that he won’t be so forgiving the next time they try anything like this. Lars shares a terrified look with Nicu, then Nicu closes the wooden window and urges the horses on. Dracula looks at him, his eyes sharp and cruel, and Lars shakes, trying to forget that horrible smell. He shakes and tries to hide his fear, even though Dracula can probably smell it on him, can see it too, because his hands are still trembling as well, and his mind keeps recounting this terrifying moment, like there isn’t anything else left in his memories.

*

He and Nicu don’t talk again until Dracula is in his castle to get the Upiry, and their conversation certainly doesn’t lift his spirit. Their plan failed, they are all doomed and Alisa is really in love with Nicu. Somehow, the last part seems like the worst thing out of these three.

But Lars loves Alisa, he really does, and if Nicu makes her happy then he’ll have to accept that. Lars isn’t such an asshole that he would ruin their happiness just because they have something he wants.

As soon as Dracula has the Upiry – he carries them with him in a cage – they start traveling again. The Carpathians have a harsh beauty about them that Lars would appreciate in any less dire situation, but they also make traveling more difficult. They would probably be much faster by train but Lars kind of suspects that Dracula doesn’t really know much about the railway system, and he certainly isn’t going to tell him about it (even if it would probably be much more comfortable).

They’ve almost left the Western Carpathians when Dracula makes them stop again. The horses need rest (and if he is being honest, he and Nicu need it too) and there is a little inn on the side of the road, where the personnel can take care of the horses, and they can book accommodations for the night.

The inn is small and cozy, the warmth a stark contrast to the cold evening outside and the innkeeper’s wife, an elderly woman in her fifties, seems nice enough and greets them happily, even at this late hour. She doesn’t ask any questions about their destination though, and Lars later sees her quietly hang up a garlic chain up in the guest room. Although the modern civilized world has long stopped believing in vampires, the occasional redmask exempt, such superstitions are much harder to lose in the rural and remote villages, where the wheels of progress are turning much slower. People here might not say it openly anymore, but when strangers with unnatural bright eyes and sharp teeth arrive late at night, they still clutch their crosses tight and say a prayer.

Their arrival in the inn goes mostly unnoticed. Only two or three drunkards are still stumbling around, and the rumors about the strange visitors will only spring up over the next days, when they’ve already left the town again.

Their accommodations are surprisingly luxurious: the rooms are clean and well-lit, the bathroom they share with the other guests even has running water and the beds are big and soft. The only problem is that there are only two rooms with one bed each, but that’s such a small complaint that Lars can’t even bring himself to care. Instead, he decides to make use of the modern bathroom, because he still reeks of fear, dirt and sweat, and he longs to feel at least a little bit cleaner.

It is only there, standing in the small bathroom, having washed himself and still shivering from the cold water, that the reality of everything comes crashing down on him. His uncle was a traitor and now he is dead. Dracula is getting closer and closer to destroying the world and he is trapped here with him and the boy that Alisa might be in love with. If he doesn’t comply, if he doesn’t help Dracula, either he or Nicu are getting hurt again or maybe even killed and –

His legs feel weak suddenly, and he slowly slides down the wall, curling into himself as if he could protect himself that way. Involuntarily, he lets out a small sound of anguish. He tries to stifle it with his hand but his whole body is shaking and his hand trembles with it and he can’t hold back a whimper.

He thinks, childishly, that he wants his father _._ His father would know what to do. He is strong and powerful and fearless while Lars is none of these things. Rather, he feels like a child right now, small and weak and even his anger is useless here.

His thoughts are interrupted by Nicu banging on the door.

“Lars! Are you still alive in there? Or, well, still existing?”

Hastily, he gets up from the floor to open the door.

Nicu looks at him, opens his mouth and closes it again, then finally shakes his head. Before Lars can say anything, the other boy pushes into the bathroom and closes the door.

A bit helplessly, Lars looks around the room. There is even a small bookshelf next to one door, and two pretty scenery paintings on the walls. The view from their window is lovely too, the mountains graceful, especially in the dark. He opens the window and just breathes in the cold night air. For a moment, it feels exactly like being back home.

 _Shit_ , he thinks. _I’m a Dracas and yet here I am, cowering before Dracula like I'm his shadow, frightened and timid._

Anger rises up, fills his veins and he digs his nails into his hands and wants to scream. No. What he _really_ wants to do is to rip Dracula’s throat open with his teeth and then watch him die a slow, painful death. But he probably wouldn’t even get close before he’d be caught, and then there would be hell to pay, not only for Lars, but for Nicu as well. No, there is nothing he can do, so he closes the window again and slowly counts to ten in all the languages he knows.

When Nicu returns from the bathroom, Lars ignores that his eyes are bloodshot, and his face is bloated. Lars remembers the pain of losing a mother better than he remembers the woman herself - she is just a faint shadow on the edge of his memories: a soft voice, warm hands, and bright eyes. After she was gone, it felt like a part of his world was taken with her. His father had changed after her death too, became colder and more serious. He didn’t laugh a lot anymore.

So he understands a lot of what Nicu is feeling. He even understands the naïve hope that Nicu is holding on to, that Dracula will keep his end of the deal and turn his mother back into a human. But Nicu must know that it is only that – a naïve hope.

Dracula, who is staying in the room just next to them, stalks in, looking at both of them with an expression of contempt, mixed with something else, maybe some strange form of curiosity, and then sighs.

“We will leave tomorrow at six in the morning. I expect everything to be prepared by then.”

Lars could let that vague statement stand, just stay silent and nod but it’s been a very shitty week so far and it doesn’t look like it’s going to get any better soon and he _hates_ Dracula so much, so he opens his stupid mouth to say: “I don’t know what exactly you want to have prepared, because the horses and the carriage are cared for by the servants and the inn will even provide us with food for Nicu, but –“

“Lars, stop!” Nicu hisses and grabs him by the arm.

“You think you are so clever, don’t you, boys?” Dracula says, with ice in his voice. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Nicu tense up further, but Lars doesn’t dare to look away from Dracula.

“No, I just think that you need us to function somehow, and we need to be rested for that,” Lars replies.

Internally he is screaming at himself for being so stupid to talk back but he’s too tired to listen.

Dracula tenses, like a predator about to jump on his prey, his gaze piercing and unrelenting. Then he suddenly makes a cutting motion with his hand and Lars’ breath hitches, but nothing happens. The man just sneers out a “Fine!” and vanishes back to his room.

Nicu finally lets go of his arm and Lars lets out the breath he held, then sits down on the bed. It’s really as soft as he expected, probably seeming even softer because he has been sleeping on the bench of the carriage for the last days days. Nicu, who is now standing there like he doesn’t know the purpose of furniture, looks at him strangely.

“Are you alright?” Nicu finally asks and then pauses for a moment, realizing that their whole situation is probably as far from alright as it can get, then adds: “I mean, considering everything…”

Lars grunts as a response, pleasantly surprised. It’s kind of nice of Nicu to show concern.

“I’m fine. I’ve had worse,” he says and pats the place beside him, so Nicu doesn’t continue standing there like an idiot. Nicu sits down hesitantly, keeping a good amount of space between them. He looks down on his hands.

“So what now?” he asks, and he must be desperate, if he is asking Lars, the personification of bad decisions, for advice.

“I don’t know,” Lars says and sighs, rubbing the space where the sunbeams hit his face. The ghost of the pain still lingers.

“Let’s just try to survive for now,” he finally says. Spoken out loud, it sounds exactly as pathetic as Lars feels.

And then, because Nicu looks like he needs about two weeks of rest, he adds: “You should try and get some sleep.”

Nicu frowns at him but then decides not to question it and instead lets himself fall back on the mattress. The bed even springs back a bit and Lars has to hold back a grin. It’s stupid, and he is definitely attributing this to the stress and everything, but he gets the urge to bounce on the fucking bed like he is five years old.

But then Nicu sits back up and looks at him with a twinkle in his eyes and for a moment they both just _know_ that they had the same stupid thought. Lars allows himself to bounce a bit up and down, making Nicu stifle his laugh and making Lars grin as well. Nicu suddenly grabs one of the big fluffy pillows and throws it at Lars, which Lars just cannot let slide. He grabs a pillow as well and hits Nicu with it and just as Nicu tries to get back the pillow he threw, they hear Dracula curse in the other room.

Suddenly, their silly mood vanishes, and they sober up very quickly, as they are abruptly reminded of why they are even here in the first place. Nicu sighs. They collect the pillows and then Nicu gets ready for bed, while Lars chooses a book from the shelf to keep him company. Nicu yawns, wishes him a good night, and falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

Lars sits down on the floor, his back leaning against the bedframe and watches the doors with one eye, and reads with the other. He already knows the drama, it’s _Et dukkehjem_ by Ibsen, although not in Norwegian. Still, he is pleasantly surprised to find something by Ibsen here at all. Just as he is finished with the piece and thinks about getting up to look for something else to read, he suddenly hears a noise from behind him.

He stands up fast, looking for whatever made the sound, but nothing has changed. Outside everything is dark and peaceful and in here are only him and Nicu, and – oh. _Nicu._ The other boy is tossing and turning in his sleep and occasionally mumbling something. Lars sits down again, trying to ignore Nicu but the boy doesn’t calm down again. Instead, he starts speaking, louder and louder, and now Lars can make out what he is saying: “Mom! Mom, I’m here! Please, mom.”

Something heavy drops in Lars’ stomach and he puts his head between his knees and his hands over his ears, so he doesn’t have to listen to Nicu’s nightmare. That only works for a minute or two because he had failed to consider that Dracula is still in the room right next to them – the vampire thunders into their room, his eyes searching for a nonexistent threat. When he realizes that there isn’t one, just Nicu and his nightmare, he turns towards Lars.

“Shut him up, or I will make him shut up,” he hisses and exits just as fast as he came in, leaving Lars to scramble up. For a moment, Lars just stands there, almost paralyzed. Then he approaches the bed, calling Nicu’s name, his voice almost a whisper. _Of course he doesn’t wake up from that – he didn’t even wake up from Dracula barging in_ , he scolds himself.

“Nicu, wake up!”, he tries again, but Nicu is still trapped in his nightmare. Lars reaches out and grabs his shoulder, finally making Nicu jerk awake. He looks disoriented for a moment, like he doesn’t know where he is. When he sees Lars, his face falls.

“I’m sorry I woke you,” he says. Lars shuffles awkwardly. “It’s alright. Just… go to sleep again,” he says and moves to sit back down, when Nicus stops him.

“You should get some sleep too,” Nicu says and pushes the blanket back. “It’s okay, I’m not that tired. You can have the bed,” the boy insists. Maybe Lars would let the lie slip if Nicu didn’t A) clearly have trouble even keeping his eyes open and B) look like a small gust of wind could blow him away, but as it is, he doesn’t want the carriage to crash into a ditch because Nicu fell asleep on the coach box.

“No, it’s alright. Vampires don’t need as much sleep as you humans anyway,” he lies, but the look Nicu gives him kind of suggest that he knows what a load of horseshit that is.

Nicu seems to contemplate something for a few seconds, then sighs and sits up. “Okay, fine. We’ll share the bed then.”

 _No,_ Lars thinks. _I’m not sharing a bed with you!_

And then he thinks about how soft the bed is and how heavy his limbs are, and he thinks, _On second thought – to hell with it! I’m tired._

“Alright,” he sighs and Nicu looks up, clearly surprised.

“What? You agree with me?” he splutters. His face is getting red, and Lars resists the urge to roll his eyes. Nicu shouldn’t have said it if he didn’t mean it.

“Yes. Now move over,” Lars grumbles, already climbing into the bed, his eyelids suddenly very heavy. Nicu complies, looking at Lars like he has suddenly proclaimed his great love for humanity.

Lars lies down, but Nicu is apparently still too shocked by this turn of events and doesn’t make a move to go back to sleep.

“Shall I read you a bedtime story?” Lars mocks, snuggling against the pillow.

“Oh fuck off,” Nicu replies, but lays down again.

“Don’t hog the blanket,” Lars tells him, but falls asleep before he can hear Nicu’s response.

*

Once more he is woken up that night by one of Nicu’s nightmares. Nicu doesn’t speak much this time, just mumbles quietly to himself. Lars shakes him awake right away, then lays a calming hand on his arm.

“It’s alright,” he lies. “It was just a bad dream. Go back to sleep.” Somehow, being soft is much easier like this, with the both of them sleepy and terrified and hiding under their covers like children. Nicu’s presence beside him is comforting, even if Lars would never admit that. Nicu murmurs a small “Thanks.”, then they go back to sleep quietly.

The morning breaks the strange spell of the night. They get dressed, prepare the carriage and the horses, the innkeeper's wife sends them off with enough food for several days, and just like that they are back on the road again.

They don’t talk about that night (they don’t really get the chance to talk freely at all, to be honest) but it feels like they’ve reached an understanding.

*

They arrive in Hamburg two days later.

The city is a lot like Lars imagined it – the big ships, the little alleyways and crooked houses, the smell of the harbor that reminds him of home.

But Hamburg is also louder and dirtier than he imagined it to be, especially around the docks where Dracula has found an old warehouse to hide in.

Dracula tells him that he expects him and Nicu to prepare the clothes for the Upiry and Lars just nods and silently imagines bashing Dracula’s face in. The man looks at both of them sharply, as if searching for something. “Wait for me here, and don’t try anything” he tells them before he vanishes to map out his new hideout, and to come up with a plan or something.

They sit down next to the pile of old clothes they purchased yesterday, dust them out and prepare a set of clothes for each clan member. While working, they start to talk more about the city: Nicu lived here, after all. After Nicu tells a story about the many secret passages he knows, Lars suggest that they should try and use them to get to Alisa (and therefore also to Calvina). They should take both the chest with the rubies and the Upiry cage with them, so Dracula doesn’t have an advantage. They should make a run for it now, they say. In hindsight, Lars thinks that maybe he and Nicu shouldn’t be the ones to come up with plans, since they mostly amount to “do something stupid and hope it doesn’t get us hurt or killed”. Lars is a good strategist usually, but somehow once he and Nicu have to think of a plan it feels like they have one single braincell, and that one braincell isn’t even working.

All of this to say that, of course, they get caught again.

They don’t notice that Dracula has returned until Lars is seized by his collar and comes face to face with a very angry vampire.

“What. Are you. Doing,” Dracula growls and shakes Lars slightly.

“Let me go,” Lars tries to protest, but it comes out croaked and garbled. 

Nicu does the stupid mistake of trying to help Lars by grabbing Dracula’s shoulder. In response, the man throws Lars to the ground and then turns to Nicu with a growl. In a swift motion, he steps forward and lifts Nicu up by his neck.

“Do you remember what I told you just twenty minutes ago?” His voice is dangerously low, and Lars doesn’t dare to move or even breathe. Nicu is clawing at Dracula’s hands around his neck desperately, staring at Dracula in silent terror.

“Answer me!” Dracula demands, finally letting Nicu go, who stumbles back and frantically tries to get enough air in his lungs again while nodding his head.

“Good,” Dracula drawls, turning to Lars again, who is still on the floor.

“Then why do I come back here and hear you conspiring against me instead of doing your tasks?”

“Get up,” he tells Lars with barely hidden disdain. While Lars complies, he continues to talk: “You know what I think? I think you believe you can play games with me.”

“Do you remember the sun, Lars?” he mocks, and Lars clenches his teeth and clenches his fists and tries to hide his trembling hands.

“Yes,” he says. It tastes bitter, that word. He thinks he can almost smell burned skin.

“Then you should know that I’ve already been far too lenient. I expect you to help me to the best of your abilities from now on, and that starts with helping to assemble my army.”

*

Calvina comes back, still dark and twisted, and of course she doesn’t recognize Nicu. And of course, Dracula breaks his promise. Lars watches as Nicu breaks down and the worst thing is that he knows that tone in Nicu’s voice – it’s exactly how he sounds when he has his nightmares.

It hurts, to see Nicu like this, to see him lose his mother all over again and all Lars can do is to hold him tight, so the stupid boy doesn’t get himself killed after all. He tries to calm him down, but Nicu isn’t listening (of course he isn’t) and honestly, Lars would like to punch Dracula in the face himself. But he must be calm and collected because Nicu isn’t right now.

Then Alisa and the others show up to save him and Nicu, only that Nicu doesn’t want to be saved – he stays with Dracula instead. It hurts, to see Nicu like this, clinging to this faint hope and the empty promises. But then the fight breaks out and there isn’t room for anymore thinking, only the need to survive, only the thrill of fresh blood spilled. Lars and the others turn into something feral and dangerous, but it isn’t enough. Lars snarls and fights but they are outpowered and outnumbered and as Dracula makes him writhe in pain on the floor, all around him his friends are getting hurt, and he can do _nothing_.

To be honest, they have already lost even before Van Helsing turns against them, captures Joanne and Malcolm, takes the rubies for himself and then shoots Dracula, which Lars would appreciate if it didn’t also mean that Alisa was hurt as well. But the moment Dracula falters and falls to the floor, cradling his hand, Alisa does as well, and Lars can only watch in horror as the silver slowly spreads up her arm and through her body. Van Helsing retreats, and they are left there, in that damned warehouse, with nothing but defeat and bitterness. Only now, Lars notices that Nicu has changed sides while they were fighting, and as Nicu and Alisa share some secretive looks, he can’t help but believe that she was the one to convince him, and he doesn’t even know why exactly that hurts. Is it because what they have or because everything Lars tried the last days couldn’t convince Nicu but a minute with Alisa suddenly convinces him? He doesn’t have much time to dwell on this though, because they have to somehow carry Alisa and Dracula back to the Elisabetha and also try to keep Calvina restrained.

He doesn’t meet anyone’s eyes as they walk back to the ship. It feels like there are shackles on his wrist, like there are chains dragging him into the earth.

He just keeps thinking about the dark stain spreading in Alisa’s veins, about Malcolm’s unconscious body being dragged away, about Joanne’s frightened eyes, about screams and suffering and he thought he was prepared for this, this wasn’t his first battle after all, but seeing his friends, his family really, like this and not being able to do anything against it – he could never have been prepared for that. It’s the same feeling he has had all week: This horrible, deliberating powerlessness. He is weak and helpless, and he has failed those he cares about. He doesn’t deserve to be the clan leader, and he tells Inger as much. Inger, who somehow still trusts in him, who looks him in the eye and tells him to get up, tells him that they need him. He wants to yell at her, explain that she shouldn’t trust him, that she’s seen how useless he is, but she knows all of this. Lars saw it in her eyes.

There is something dark and hard in there, something that tells him to stop being so weak although her smile is wobbly around the edges, and her hands are soft. He knows what he should do. He still can’t get up, to afraid of himself. And still Inger trusts in him, presses their ruby in his hand and looks at him like she knows him better than he himself does. She is probably right. And then Ivy is there, desperation and anxiety in her voice, telling Lars that they need him, echoing the weird harsh softness that Inger carries as well, and there is something between the both of them that Lars will think about later but not now, when Alisa is in pain right next to him. Later, when he can push trough the fog that keeps him here, helpless, with his hands bound and his head bowed in shame.

It’s Nicu, who finally shakes him out of it, Nicu with his angry, tired voice.

Lars thinks: _Nicu has probably had an even worse week than me._ And then he thinks: _Fuck, I’m a coward._

And then he finally gets up and tries to help Alisa. _Try_ being the relevant word here. Her mind and Dracula’s have melted together somehow, and it’s a horrifying and yet celestial sight. He shudders and says that he’ll keep watch over Alisa (and Dracula as well, he supposes). For a short moment it seems like Nicu will put up a fight, but one word from Lars is enough and he retreats. Lars wonders what that means and then tries to not feel too jealous about the gentle touches and words that Nicu bestows upon Alisa.

Then he is alone, only the two writhing bodies on the tables with him, and he takes Alisas hand and tries to somehow help her, begging her to come back to him. He doesn’t know how much times really passes, with him just sitting there trying to somehow help Alisa through osmosis or something, like if he is just there enough, talks to her enough, she’ll find her way back. It’s kind of stupid, but he still keeps doing it.

Then Tammo goes missing and Ivy joins him in his watch. She tells him about everything that’s happened while he was away (apparently she is the new Noaidi, and Lars thinks that they really doesn’t have the time to unpack all of that right now), while they anxiously wait for new information on Tammo, and for Alisa to wake up again. Finally, the silver starts retreating, right as the others burst in, telling them that Tammo isn’t on the ship anymore. With almost perfect comedic timing (Seymour would be so proud of him), Tammo joins them like five seconds later, while Alisa and Dracula are still awaking slowly, and tells them that he has made a deal with Van Helsing. Okay, so reckless and dangerous behavior definitely lies in the family.

Alisa wakes up, still shaky but determined and they are all there for her, him and Nicu side by side, and they look at each other proudly which is weird, like they really believe they brought her back by just thinking hard enough, but Lars is so caught up in the euphoria of the moment that he doesn’t really care. What he does care about is the fact that Dracula is now apparently temporarily on their side. And it’s not like he doesn’t trust Alisa, but she just hasn’t had the best track record of making good decisions lately. On the other hand, all their other options are even worse so, you know, they’ll have to take what they can get.

And then Dracula turns Calvina back.

The look on Nicu’s face is heart wrenching, the desperate hope, the tiredness, the ache. And then he sees his mother, his real, _human_ mother and something changes, and Lars thinks _oh._

_This is what it looks like when Nicu isn’t desperately trying to hold himself together. This is how he looks like when he is truly happy._

They hug and their tears almost feel too personal, like something he shouldn’t be witnessing, touching something within him which is a bit weird, but mostly very sweet. And he is surprised to find that he is genuinely happy for Nicu.

However sweet that moment might have been though, they still have to prepare for a new battle, even as the last one is still heavy in their bones and on their minds. He is surprised to find that Alisa of all people is suddenly doubting herself. It’s a shame that she can’t see herself like Lars sees her: strong, and beautiful, and kind, and capable and, most importantly, someone he trusts. She is a leader, and their friends will follow her. _He_ will follow her. Which doesn’t mean that she has to carry this burden alone: She has him, she has Ivy, she has Nicu, she has her family and all her friends – she isn’t alone. And all of them know what it means to carry so much weight on your shoulders that it sometimes feels like they’ll break down under all of it.

He tells her some of this, tries to make her understand how special she is – and not because of the spark. Well. Not only because of that. And in the end, she smiles at him and, walks just a bit lighter. In the end, she makes a hard decision, and he accepts it, because he isn’t a hypocrite, and she has to be able to trust that people actually listen to her. 

(He doesn’t think about how he went and asked her if she still has feelings for Nicu. Of course she does. And it would be unfair to ask her to choose. Still, it feels a bit like turning a knife in an open wound.)

*

Ivy kills Van Helsing with a tree, which isn’t a sentence Lars would have ever thought he’d say or even think. It’s ten times more terrifying than it sounds, it really is, but still: that’s basically what it boils down to. Ivy kills Van Helsing with a tree.

It’s not even the killing part that shocks him – most of them will kill someone sooner or later, some of them have already killed, all of them have hurt people and sometimes he worries that he’ll start to enjoy it too much. He even saw Nicu fire an arrow into someone’s chest, which the man probably didn’t survive. No, it’s the sheer power of that thing breaking though the earth and swallowing Van Helsing whole, it’s the horror of that thing somehow being Ivy. His friend Ivy who makes stupid jokes, who likes reciting terrible poetry, and who shifts the earth (or does the earth shift with her?).

But just like with so many other things, he doesn’t get the time to think about any of this to closely, because his horrible, shitty, no-good week still isn’t over. No, because instead of being allowed rest and recovery, they must now try to prevent the quasi-apocalypse again.

Dracula now has all the rubies, knows how to get to that damn cave and that is bad, evidently.

They go after him as soon as possible. Luckily, Malcolm and Joanne had managed to get their hands on the map and remember everything (and also, Malcolm is now officially an adult and man, once this is over, they will throw the best party possible for him), and thus, they can quickly determine where the damn cave is.

He tries not to think to much about what will be once Alisa unties the knot. About all the people he knows who will die. About what will happen to Alisa. He explains it to Nicu, once, when they are alone. How Alisa might not survive this. It feels good to share his worries with Nicu, even though it doesn’t solve anything. Well, expect for the fact that he and Nicu agree that they should get along for Alisa’s sake, that they should both try to support her as much as they can. (Which isn’t a lot, if Lars is really being honest).

Alisa tries to tell him that he’ll only get hurt if he loves her, as if she has already made her peace with just dying for the greater good. Like it’s alright for her to die because it is her destiny. And the worst thing is that he knows that she is right in a way, that her sacrificing herself and some of their loved ones – that this is the best option they have here. He wants to scream at the injustice of it all. Instead, he talks about losing control, and about her heart, which is big enough to beat for him too. Her love makes him like this, all weak and soft and hopeful.

*

He doesn’t want to talk about what he saw in the mirror in that cave, the one that was just for him and Inger, waiting for them like a predator for its prey.

After the psychological torture, they get to experience almost getting trapped in an eternal prison of water. Then Ivy and Inger hold back the _moon,_ which is something Lars doesn’t want to think about to closely either. And then, after all of this, it’s suddenly only Nicu, and Alisa and himself.

He thinks: _This is it. Kind of ironic._

And then Nicu starts arguing in favor of Lars, and Lars thinks, _no, this isn’t how this is supposed to go, you aren’t supposed to say this._

So he argues back, because Alisa would be just as happy with Nicu, and Nicu is a human and maybe some kind of weird cave symbolism is at play here and if she chooses wrong, they are all doomed.

One moment, they are still shouting over each other, but in the next they are suddenly, asleep? No, that isn’t the right word, but there aren’t any words to describe what this is, exactly. It’s like floating, but in the earth. Like dreaming but without any dreams. And then it is over. It’s all over.

*

The world didn’t end, and they are still themselves. Alisa is still here, alive and well. The people they love didn’t die a horrible death either, which is nice. She tells them later that Dracula sacrificed himself and destroyed the knot completely, and Lars doesn’t quite know what he should think about that.

After she wakes up, Alisa takes Nicu’s hand and leads him away and they talk and then they hug and Lars tries not to stare too much, tries to not let the pain he is feeling show on his face. There are worse things than Alisa and Nicu getting together, and he’ll still get to be friends with Alisa (and maybe also with Nicu, some day).

But then Alisa is walking towards him and suddenly, she is kissing him. It feels strange at first, like he is still trapped in the cave and this is just a hallucination before his inevitable death. But this feels too real for that. Nicu is smiling at them softly and the others are cheering and suddenly, everyone is hugging with the shaky, relieved laughter of people who have just gone through a lot of heavy stuff and still can’t quite believe that it is over.

On the walk back to the ship, they chatter on about everything and nothing, soft conversations, and comfortable silence. They’ll have to set sail to Norway soon, still have to get back and deal with the whole mess there, but compared to everything else, this seems like a rather small feat.

Once they are back, they get everything ready for the travel, stock up their supplies and check for repairs that need to be made – but luckily, the _Elisabetha_ is very robust.

Joanne suggests that they should have a slumber party on board as long as they are still mostly unsupervised and don’t have a big threat looming over their head. So, they get out blankets they found stored away somewhere in the belly of the ship and then they all sit and lay around on the deck, occasionally looking up at the clear sky because there is a meteor shower tonight. They finally have the chance to just breathe, to enjoy each other’s company, to not worry about surviving for now. The sea is calm, and the wind is soft.

On the deck, people are chatting or playing games or, in Alisa’s case, asleep with a book on her face. There are a lot of conversations he will have in the future, like the one about Inger and Ivy apparently being together (good for them!) or the one where he’ll plan the party for Malcolm with the others, or the one where he’ll have to talk with Inger about her dead father. But for now, he decides, there is someone he wants to talk to first.

Lars approaches Nicu, who is leaning against the railing and looking out at the ocean, and asks: “Have you made a wish yet?”

Nicu looks at him strangely.

“What is it?”, Lars says, frowning.

“Nothing. Just… I guess I already got my Mom back. Would be a bit presumptuous, to ask for more so close after that, wouldn’t it? I’m so much happier now that I’ve got my family back. I mean, I’m still sad that Alisa chose you over me, but at the same time I’m happy for you guys. It’s –“

Nicu struggles to find words. 

“Complicated?” Lars suggests.

“Yes,” Nicu grimaces.

There is an awkward silence between them. Lars thinks, _this is stupid, what am I doing?_

But he doesn’t walk away, just sighs and looks intently at Nicu.

“Look, I just wanted to thank you. You’re not so bad, for a human.”

He doesn’t say: _You’ve been through a lot of shit lately, and I’m sorry. You still look so exhausted._

Or: _Do you regret that you shot that arrow? Do you feel this incredible weight on your shoulders? Will all of this haunt you for the rest of your life?_

Or: _Thank you for looking out for me even when we didn’t like each other. You are actually a pretty cool person. Maybe we could try to become friends?_

What he ends up saying is: “Can I give you a hug?”

And Nicu, perhaps to perplexed to even realize what exactly Lars was asking, nods.

Just a moment later, Nicu has an angry Norwegian in his arms, and must admit that Lars is a pretty good hugger. Lars, who is still not sure what the hell he was thinking, but nevertheless enjoys this, is surprised as well, about how good this feels.

They draw apart, Lars thumbs Nicu on the shoulders to make this a bit less embarrassing but also, no one here cares. For now, they are free, and he feels save and comforted like this. Lars clears his throat, and Nicu shuffles with his feet and yes, now they are back to extreme awkwardness.

“What about you?” Nicu asks.

“What about me?” Lars asks back, like a stupid person.

“Have you made a wish yet?”

Lars startles. “No. I haven’t,” he admits, amused. He then immediately starts looking for a shooting star, while Nicu quietly laughs at him for whatever reason.

“Yeah, you to, asshole,” he says affectionally and grins. Then, suddenly something twinkles and shines and moves across the sky until it vanishes.

He closes his eyes and thinks: Please let this week be better than the last.

He thinks that it would be very difficult for the next week to be worse than this one, but he isn’t taking any chances. Although a week that starts with cuddles and stargazing and laughter can’t really be that bad, he supposes. 


End file.
